Unclouded
by Ann aspiring writer
Summary: An overwhelming sense of regret and futility. A feeling of deja-vu - rejecting him, preferring a chimera, a persistent dream. This time, he may not forgive her. He may leave her. And she finds out she doesn t want this to happen, not at all. So she wants to make a change.
1. Unclouded

She stood in the middle of the room. Alone. Again. She fiddled dejectedly and absentmindedly with her soft hands, trembling as if shaken by a sudden and violent wind. Her posture was correct, stiff, iced, eyes unblinking and unseeing through the thick curtain of lashes. In the darkened stillness of her bedroom, one could almost discern the eerie laughter of dejection and remorse. She was already regretting her harsh and unnecessary words.

Scarlett O`Hara wasn`t a perceptive person. Perhaps you could have called her obtuse, unreasonable and fallible. But right then, in that single moment of utter and terrible solitude it didn`t matter anymore. What she couldn`t fathom in day to day life, that there was always something more important than money, than compromise and constant fighting. What she couldn`t yet perceive – a foolishly misdirected love, destined to perish like the flapping wings of moths in the suave candlelight. What she couldn`t understand, the affection of a mere soul, a naïve, pure and crystal-clear soul whose recesses escaped her, being fundamentally different from her own sharp and unscrupulous one.

What she _could _finally see, or rather feel, was the indefinite and uncontrolled wave of regret that splattered its white waters on the shore when she, once again, did what she was best at. Hurting someone. Scarlett knew she had been absurdly prone to sharpen her nails on Rhett for a long time. He brought out something in her, something so foreign and unsettling that it genuinely scared her, she who took pride in not knowing what fear is. But really, she knew the heart-wrenching sensation of losing - whether it was someone dear, or a part of the serene life that used to mean something to her.

Now, a nagging voice in the back of her funny little mind kept echoing the same unnerving thought – she was going to lose Rhett. She had just expressed her defensive wish to sleep in separate bedrooms, to be left alone, pondering through the chimeras in her brain. She expected to feel relieved – she was materially at ease, and now she could constantly dream of her precious Ashley, without any intrusion. She was now free to succumb once again to the whirlpool of melancholy and foolish hope, clinging to her girlish fantasy that, one day, Ashley Wilkes would once and for all choose her and take her away, somewhere better.

But what did better mean, she kept asking herself now. Somehow, being married to Rhett permeated her being with a subtle sense of protection and serenity, of wealth and appreciation. She would feel no shame while losing her temper (which was pretty often by the way) and expressing her ardent wish to send him to Halifax. Because she never meant it. In fact, she would soften completely at the thought of how generous Rhett was when it came to giving her everything she could possibly dream of. She would feel expectant and delighted whenever she accidentally caught him staring at her, with a passionate yet caring look in his eyes. And she would blush at the feel of their intertwined limbs every night, in the comfort and silence of charming intimacy.

And all this was gone to waste in a second. She was perfectly conscious he would never beg, not in a thousand year. He would put on a detached, calm and indifferent façade in front of her. He would cheat on her whenever he had the chance, to prove them both he no longer needed her or took any particular interest in her. Surprisingly, she didn`t feel the salty bite of tear because of ruffled feathers and outraged vanity. Instead, she felt it because she realized she already missed what they had… what he could unconditionally give her, if only she…

If only she had treated him the way he deserved.

After all, he hadn`t been at all obliged to marry her, pamper her or treat her as his ultimate equal, one of the few he actually gave a damn about. A smile appeared on the corner of her beautiful mouth, thinking of his delight at Bonnie`s birth, at his constant care and affection, spanning so many years. Years of hastened marriages, deaths, tragedies and triumphs, swaying kisses and some vicious insults, and above all, her abiding affection for Ashley Wilkes. Rhett had known that from the very beginning, yet he had stood there at her side, guiding her, bearing with her, laughing with her. With her. No other. Finally sensing part of a truth she hadn`t been able to fathom before, Scarlett decided she couldn`t lose him. Not now, after everything _they_`ve been through, for he was her husband, not Ashley. Really, he would never be hers.

Scarlett rang the little bell on the table and when it, as usual, failed to invite Mammy in, she forcefully opened the door and gave a frustrated shout. Ignoring the patronizing woman`s complaints, she threatened to send her right back to Tara, of course not until she would finish getting her dressed up in the gown she had chosen. An infinity of red skies shaping up against the beautiful contours of her body, clinging to them with seductive reflections of light`s motion, emphasizing her natural gifts. A touch of make-up covered her cheeks, contrasting sharply with the exquisite green of her eyes and an ardent red defined her lips.

When she inspected herself in the mirror one more time, she suddenly felt thankful for her overall appearance, for she was an apparition. This gown should have been exposed at a pretentious ball, but she intended to make use of it to redeem herself in Rhett`s eyes.

Softly, with feline-like movements, she lingered in the dark, made her way down the corridor, towards a spacious but overly decorated room where Scarlett could guess Rhett had retired for the evening, if only he hadn`t gone out in his fit of rage, to that horrible creature. Thankfully, he hadn`t. She could hear him pacing up and down and felt suddenly ashamed for coming to him dressed like this, as if playing with him, making a cruel joke of it all. But she`d come too far to give in, she was too strong to lose like this. For once caught up in the translucent spider web that was her life, she swallowed her pride and knocked on the door, somehow shyly.

The footsteps stopped, the incessant walking came to a halt. Just like time, for the agonizing second seemed to elongate teasingly, languidly, sardonically.

Nothing.

"I know you`re here. Open the door."

No response. Fine, no one said it was going to be easy. Actually, it was becoming fair. And _interesting._

"Please, Rhett. Please."

Finally. She hadn`t realized she was standing so close to the wooden door, almost pushing against it. Now she could feel his breath, which for the moment proved to be enough for them both, because she was holding hers in her lungs, almost as tightly as she gripped the door`s handle. He was staring at her intently, a questioning look in his dark orbs, partially hidden behind curtains of his jet-black hair.

She had to speak, Scarlett knew he was going to be merciless, as cynical as ever, waiting for her to make the first move, while pretending to consider her with a fake expression of distant amusement and contempt in his eyes.

"Rhett, let me in. I want to talk to you."

Feigned surprise mixed with genuine one, fighting for supremacy on his face.

"You are quite forward, my pet. But have you asked yourself this little question: would I want to talk to you, after…" He left the rest unspoken. Scarlett raised her chin, a note of defiance in this elegant gesture of her neck. She was Irish, after all. "Just let me in."

"Ever the warrior, my dear." With mock politeness, he forcefully bowed and shifted enough to allow her passage. Scarlett complied, having that elusive yet undeniable feeling that something decisive was on the verge of occurring, was speeding its way towards them, like a train rushing with perilous speed in the still station. As she entered the room, her shoulders just a little bit too tense to go unnoticed, he eyed her and a shiver of profound curiosity surged through him. What was she up to now? His darling selfish cat, always so unpredictable and sometimes absurd, a walking contradiction and, as he would often think, a lost cause, at least for him. Simply out of his reach, when it came to getting what he wanted – her heart. But now, she seemed more present than she had ever been with him, like the effect of a powerful drug to which she had succumbed was beginning to fade away.

Still, there was resentment.

"My dear, I`m afraid you`re mistaken. Ashley Wilkes`s house is in the opposite direction. I`m sure you`ll be quite forgiven for arriving late at your rendez-vous when his eyes feast upon you dressed like this, anyway."

Her head shot up, an almost pained expression on her face. Had he gone too far? Still, he wanted to spite her, to make her feel humiliated, just as he had felt all this time.

"So, what are you waiting for? After all, he`s a _gentleman_. He`ll excuse you for your delayed arrival, as I`ve said before."

"You". She was looking at him accusingly, through thick eyelashes and emerald-green eyes. "Waiting for you to stop this…immature behavior and hear me out, in the name of God!"

"And what would my ears hear, my pet? How much you appreciate the elegant Mister Wilkes, how worthy he is of your enduring affection, how unworthy of it is a cad like me? Yes, I think you`ve mentioned it before, so please spare me. I don`t want to be reminded of it now. I _can`t _be reminded of it now."

It was true. Everything Rhett reproached her was true. Wasn`t she the one who said to him she`d always love another man? Honestly, it was beginning to dawn on her she wasn`t so sure of this anymore. What had Ashley really given her? A fantasy to cling to, a beautiful and suave ideal… yet it didn`t compare by far to Rhett`s security and care, of course, when he wasn`t behaving like an omniscient, indifferent cad.

She began to seriously question her mental sanity. Why did she dress like this, so elaborately, unnecessarily and insinuatingly? To contradict _everything_ she`d said to him only a couple of hours ago, to not so subtly take it all back, to futilely attempt to _seduce him_? Did he thought her capable of? Moreover, did she want to?

Possibly. But, more importantly, she struggled to melt the façade, to make him comprehend the change of feelings, to shove some light into their tumultuous relationship, because, for the first time, she really understood that her marriage was to Rhett Butler and not to Ashley`s spectrum.

Scarlett took a deep breath, one that did not escape his attentive, somehow desperate eyes.

"That I take it all back… everything I said earlier. Please, don`t make me dwell into it any further."

Her eyes searched his and, cowardly as it seemed, he gasped. It wasn`t fear. Well, it was a lot of fear, but also unbelief – not only at her words, but at her expression.

Unguarded.

Vulnerable.

And, definitely and irrevocably, unclouded. Devoid of shadows, chimeras, crystal-clear. Emerald-clear.

**Hello.**

**Sorry for my sudden and inexcusable disappearance. I`ve decided to start all over with a new story. I hope I`ll find some time to continue the other one in the not too distant future.**

**This story is set after Scarlett tells Rhett she wants them to sleep in separate bedrooms. I`ve always wondered what would have been if she hadn`t made that awful choice, so I thought I could explore it. I hope it`s going to be multi-chaptered.**

**Reviews would be, of course, welcome. **

**Until next time,**

**AnnAspiringWriter.**


	2. See through

Ups and downs. Highs and lows. Rising and falling as rapidly as her chest. This is what he saw then in her eyes. He had almost forgotten how human she really was, how prone to say something she didn`t mean and then regret it. But he knew that, usually, she was too stubborn to try to fix anything she had broken-down all by herself. He had often failed to consider the possibility that Scarlett might _feel_ a lot more than she let flow to the surface, that, although she didn`t manage to fathom true feelings behind cracked masks, they indeed _meant_ a lot to her.

Rhett knew she dreamed of love, a strange notion, if you asked him, which he had felt a lot since his gaze first met her eyes. There had been defiance, arrogance, vanity in her eyes, yet at the same time uncertainty before someone who dared to _look _at her, who dared her to do the same. All in a single catching of her eyes, literally in the blink of an eye. There still was some sort of defiance in her expression, but intriguingly mixed with sincerity, a kind of genuineness he had often dreamed of finding written on her beautiful face.

So, what did he do?

He would have taken her in his arms and, ironically, have comforted her, Scarlett O`Hara, who had been the one and only source of so much hurt. He would have left it all unsaid, everything that needed to be said, because wise man said actions spoke louder than mere words. He would have threaded on blurred waters, would have left aside his considerable pride so as to finally show her everything. How much a part of him she had become, how ingrained she was in his thoughts, in his inner circles, how she and Bonnie were the centre of his hopes and, when it came to her, his unrequited dreams.

He couldn`t.

At least not yet. He had make sure his mind wasn`t playing tricks on him, or that there wasn`t a catch this time, a hidden motivation for such a sudden, out of the blue change of heart. She wasn`t a convincing, subtle actress, yet somehow she had fooled him before – in jail, when he had almost confessed his love for her.

He had intended to formulate a cynical, careless response, a safe, unfair and untrue one. He succeeded partially.

"Pray, Mrs. Butler, enlighten me with more of your unexpected words."

The phrase seemed pretty detached, the way he hoped it would be, but the cigar-filled voice which uttered it was strained. Unsure. Maybe he wasn`t such a good actor himself. Rhett briefly thought what a bitter story the two of them would have made, had someone known what a dysfunctional life unfolded behind the closed doors of their vast, ostentatious house.

"What more do you want to know?" - a peck of her characteristic irritation was beginning to surface. He wondered if she knew how charming she was when she lost her temper. Much more than when she flirted, put any particular effort into her conversations, or stiffened her posture in the way society deemed fit. Ironically, she was at her best when she didn`t try to pretend, not for anyone in the world.

"_Everything, _to cut a long story short. What led to this benevolent change of affection, what made you regret something you wouldn`t normally give a damn about – I mean, hurting somebody. You really don`t give it much thought, do you?"

"Oh, so you do? Don`t…don`t dare contradict me!" she stomped her foot. Rhett laughed heartily. It was a mystery to her what he could find amusing or entertaining in this otherwise very solemn and tension-charged situation. "What? Please, share it with me. I can`t bear to see you like this all alone." The irony wasn`t brilliant, wasn`t even hurtful, but it was true. Was he mocking her? Didn`t he care about her at all? Suddenly, they were back again – he, the sardonic one who had married her for amusement only, she –the warrior too proud to admit defeat or to show she cared, had probably cared all along.

"You know my pensive, nostalgic inclinations, my pet. I was just reminiscing about another outburst of yours, a long time ago, in Ashley Wilkes`s library…you had just broken something, am I right? I guess some thing will never change" he said, with a pang of sadness creeping into his voice.

Scarlett knew he was referring to her 'undying' love for Ashley, professed to him over the course of so many years, always between them, like the vapors of an alcoholic stupor clouding up one`s brain, getting in the way of something definite, something clear. It dawned on her that he probably believed her to be a fool, one of his losing battles, that is, if she meant anything to him at all. For she wasn`t so sure of it anymore_. Even worse, even more regrettable and unchangeable was that she knew she was a fool._ In her heart, she had always harbored the secret hope that she would be with Ashley Wilkes someday – another day, when Melanie would not stand in her way, when he would finally choose her once and for all, when they would run away together. And then what? She had never asked herself that little, innocent, defining question – what would they do? _She _would carve out a living for herself, because her energy and intelligence were enough to ensure her survival through the darkest of times. She might have had enough force to carry him after her, guide him and help him in this different, post-apocalyptic world.

But Rhett was right, Ashley would come to despise her for it. She would have to taint herself even more, to grow further from the beautiful girl with the huge hat and green dress from the barbeque at Twelve Oaks and Ashley, with all his good intentions and utopian dreams wouldn`t accept her.

Now she had to put all this flashing, elusive, incoherent thoughts into one sentence. She had never been able to manipulate words the way she could play with people.

"Well, some things **do **change and if you weren`t so mean and unreasonable I would be more precise. But so, with you _acting _so uninterested in anything I could possibly say, so prone to quarrel, I guess I`ll just have to let it pass…" She decided to play this card – to pretend she was confident, a little vexed, a little bit bored.

It was all a façade, because she knew he could see beyond this, through her.

But right now, she could see through him, too. He was in the same position as her, wondering what the other really felt, thought and wanted. For the first time, they were in a relationship, thinking of the _other_, uncertainly, timidly and almost foolishly for people so determined and strong as they were. But _they _were beginning.

They still had to find out who would make the first move – she, the Southern Belle, or he, the notorious Blocade Runner.

"No." He walked towards her, observing her, keeping at all times a comfortable distance. "Just this once, don`t let it pass, don`t dismiss it. Tell me, Scarlett. If there is something, tell me."

"Yes, Rhett. There is something. I realized how mistaken I was. My outburst was just that – a fit of fleeing rage, one of many still to come, as you probably expect. It was unnecessary, given the circumstances. I know you`re not Charles Hamilton, willing to agree to any denial for the sake of honorable behavior."

"Please, Scarlett. Don`t make it seem that way – like I would intentionally force you, disrespect you, or displease you. I know I`m not Charles, but neither am I a brute."

"Why won`t you let me finish my sentence?"

"Very well, my pet. You have my full attention." He smiled. Indeed, some things would never change.

"And I wouldn`t want you to be like Charles."

"But I`m perfectly conscious of whom you`d desperately want me to be, no doubt about it." The betraying sadness swayed in his deep voice, calmer than usual.

She slowly shook her head, aware of the difference this admission would make. "Or like _anyone else_." There it was, almost like she had shaped up a snowball in her ice-cold fingers and would have given it to him, to freeze his hands too.

"I feel like contradicting you, or at least protesting a while and not because of false modesty. You have reiterated for so many years that I could never compare to him, or could never take his place in your heart. And now, after your hurtful, stinging rebuff this very afternoon, you admit to this. How? Why? When? I don`t know which would be the appropriate question, Scarlett."

"I don`t think there`s a good enough question for what I`ve just said. And I honestly don`t know how to answer anything you might ask. I only feel that I`ve grown further from what I used to be, I`ve come too far to delude myself any longer – I don`t want to crave what I can`t get, what I shouldn`t get. It`s just a notion that has to be dismissed, put away, melted, begotten." She mustered the courage to look at him – the frown on his forehead, the somehow shocked expression, because he had obviously believed she`d never say what she had just proclaimed.

"So the feelings are still there? You`re struggling with yourself to break free from them so as not to lose a profitable source of money and amusement? Answer me." His voice grew more demanding. Had he misunderstood her, or had she been as stiff with words as usual?

Slowly.

Carefully.

With unclouded eyes stuck on the ground.

"I`m not sure they were there in the first place. Surely, they died that day at Twelve Oaks."

He came closer to her and carefully lifted her chin. He wanted to see those eyes, looking at him, maybe different from how they had done so many times before.

And they were indeed different. So different he couldn`t help but ask.

"Scarlett, is this another game?" She smiled.

"Scarlett, is this another dream?" She laughed.

"Scarlett O`Hara, are you mad? She nodded.

So he leaned in to kiss her forehead. But, as things do change in the blink of an eye, he kissed her fully on the lips instead.

**This is it. Another chapter. Hope you liked it. There`s more to come, I promise. I appreciate every single review and comment.**

**Until next time, **

**Annaspiringwriter.**


	3. Prides dance

It`s hard to put into words how much anything can be. Sometimes the simplest might prove immense, or the exorbitant might weight little more than a feather. And you can`t stop them from being what they are. You can often choose to look away from them, to let the moment pass – gone with the wind, as someone wise once said. Of course, you may embrace the undulating waves carrying you away, just for a second. Yet I`ve already written that a mere second can mean a century, at least for some of us – the ones who, in that very fluttering of wings- _live. _They live through the present, they are there, in their truth, genius or love- then, the sea washes them away and the wind pulls them apart, but it doesn`t matter. They are, because they have been.

How does someone know – is it a gong, a child`s giggle? There has to be a cause, there must be a jolt, there ought to be an effect. And when we come to wonder if there`s anything more than that because we couldn`t conceive it…well, let`s say we have finally got it.

So, what does this have to do with Scarlett O`Hara and Rhett Butler`s story? They stood in the middle of the room, lips pressed against each other`s. Both pairs of eyes were closed, partially to better capture the intimate moment, partly to tiredly dismiss their wounded prides. Egos must have screamed inside their minds, uncertainties, fear. After all, it wasn`t easy being them. He had to leave behind years of expertly hiding his feelings, taking advantage of her clouded eyes to craft a mask he rarely took off in her presence.

Yet this time, it paid to be unmasked. He could allow himself to feel without restraint, to be more than the gentle, detached, dutiful husband who respected his wife. Of course he respected her, but his heart was swelling with a passion he sincerely started to believe forever unrequited. This compromise of a marriage was driving him mad – closer but not there. He had foolishly hoped to fill the vacancy in her heart and this day had already brought upon him a searing pain he stoically tried to endure. But now, this day was bliss.

He could feel her closing the remaining distance between them, timidly raising her arms and encircling his neck. She could be so passionate, as life was the essence and definition of her, but at times she would turn six years back in time and become the innocent girl trying to pick a suitor, knowing exactly who she would have wanted for a husband. Now she was a mixture of both, hesitant but never a coward, just like in every other aspect of her life. As the kiss deepened and she arched her neck in a reflex and charming gesture, they both remembered in a hazy flashback another times. When she had dared him to kiss her as a bold exchange for the green bonnet, on the road to Tara in the midst of the war, at Frank`s funeral, on their wedding night.

They were older. This doesn`t include wiser, for they broke apart for air. Rhett`s heart leaped with delight as he took in her beautiful face, with her swollen lips, cheeks the color of the sweet hours of morning and shiny emerald eyes. More unclouded than ever.

"Indeed, Mrs. Butler, I was extremely accurate in my assumption. You need kissing badly."

"I know. Someone brazen once told me I should be kissed and often."

"And by someone who knows how" they both completed bemusedly.

"So, am I up to the task, Scarlett?"

"If only you`d be half as conceited as dedicated to the task in hand, I wouldn`t have any reason to complain, but so…"

"If only you`d use your Southern Belle charm less often and truthfully answer my question. After all this time, you`re still trying to avoid this subject." His eyes held hers and they didn`t reflect his conceit at all. They were quite confused – beginning to cloud. "This is what you wanted, isn`t it?"

She couldn`t formulate a proper response, for lack of skill with treacherous words. Instead, she forcefully pulled him to her. Instead of kissing him again, she began to hum vividly. Instead of dispersing the surprised look on his face, her feet moved graciously to the rhythm her lips were creating, and her face held a knowing smile, the one she always wore while dancing. He quickly placed one arm around her slender waist, the other capturing her hand in his, just as easily as he had done a scary long time ago, at the Atlanta Bazaar.

"Captain Butler, another dance and my reputation will be in rags." Scarlett now winked at him, giving him a knowing look.

"With enough courage you can do without a reputation." It had proved to be true for both of them. Now it seemed clear that they weren`t ones to stick to society`s conveniences if their hearts or brains told them otherwise, as they often did. Replaying the scene in the room of their huge and intimidating house, it began to hang in the air and dawn on them how alike they truly were, how carved for each other to understand and help through life`s hardships. This time, she rose on her tiptoes and kissed him confidently, aware of how well they fit together.

His harmonic steps came to a halt. "Carry on" she whispered into his mouth and they continued to grace the floor with their improvised dance. When she pulled away, Scarlett smirked and made the next remark: "You dance divine, Captain Butler." Just that he changed his words with better ones – "My, you are still complimenting my dancing skills. Don`t you find anything else worth mentioning, my pet? Or am I just another one of your plantation beaux?"

"As you are so determined to hear it, I shall say it. You kiss me as if I mean something to you. It`s not about your skills, it`s about us defying the strict rules of propriety with a single kiss. And from what I used to hear before the War started, not one lady in the county had ever felt this. They would give details and giggle, but nothing to impress me so much or prepare me for this."

"These might be the most rewarding and intimate words you`ve ever said to me, Scarlett. So far, of course."

"You`re still hoping for a fervent declaration like the one…in the library?" There was a cloud. The one to Ashley Wilkes, the one that had set every conflicted feeling into motion, the one that had haunted the trio`s looks for so many years.

It wasn`t the time for discussing the subject, both of them could plainly see that. It always gave way to reproachful words, pent up anger spilling out in heated looks, genuine moments of happiness breaking apart like sandcastles swallowed by the waves. They had to face it some other time, brace themselves for new tears, ruffled prides and old wounds.

But right now, neither wanted to let go of the moment of serenity that had befallen upon them. So Rhett chose to say:

"Nah, my pet. You can do better than that, I hope. I have faith in you. Only, when it`s my turn, please try not to finish by slapping me across my stiff face. It would pretty much spoil the moment!"

_**This is it. Sorry for the quite short chapter, but I wanted to convey the serene atmosphere between them and how well they can get along when they let their armors down and focus on each other`s feelings. The story is far from finished though.**_

_**I hope I`ll be able to update soon. Reviews are cherished and appreciated.**_

_**Thanks for reading, **_

_**Ann.**_


	4. An old acquaintance

She felt so disappointed. Both in herself and in him. In herself, for once speaking her mind, loud and clear, without false pretenses and head held up high. In everything she had allowed herself to show, to flow freely to the surface instead of laying hidden in the dark waters. Furthermore, in what she had begun to hope for – subtle, betraying thoughts and mixed emotions, melting defenses and indifference alike, rendering it a torture to taste the bitterness of disillusionment.

Disappointed in him, for preaching and reproaching her confused, obsolete behavior when he was just like her – willing to forget, storm out of the room without a second glance, choose another over her. She felt like a fool, easily moved by what her mind could make her believe, vulnerable to overestimating other`s feelings for her, because of a raw mixture of vanity and uncertainty. On the one hand, Scarlett had been sure he cared, on the other hand, she had hoped he would care. But it was no use. It hung heavily in the air- he didn`t.

What was worse, she wasn`t torn by being ashamed of having shown something even beyond her comprehension, no, she was consumed by a fearful wave of genuine, overwhelming sadness. For the first time in years, she was feeling the weight of the world crashing upon her, _scaring and scarring her_. Fighting, carrying on with unwavering strength, fuelled by ambition and intelligence, she had to stop, stare at the cloud of confusion in front of her and think. It now felt in vain – to pretend, to not give in, to hope, not for money, but for love. Ashley would never love her, not the way she`d want anyway, but would Rhett? After his stunning display of indifference, she just couldn`t believe it anymore. The most disconcerting, confusing notion was trying to fathom why.

'_It was right. After everything I`ve been through, it was beginning to feel like something I`ve lost long ago. Something I`ve struggled not to think about, or to expect to fall from the sky any time soon. Dwelling on the past, this, this is useless.' _Yet now even dwelling on the future seemed futile. When fighting to keep Tara going, she`d thought about how time was too precious to be wasted with unnecessary contemplation, or philosophical questions. But she felt she had been somehow in the dark, for Rhett made her ask an annoying great deal of questions about herself and her attitude towards him.

And now she just couldn`t believe it. One minute, he had been jesting their past mistakes only to commit another one in the blink of an eye. How could he be that inconsiderate as to leave her behind, wondering what she had done this time to deserve such offensive, outrageous behavior?

For he had just turned his back on her one more time, just like then, on the road to Tara in the midst of the war, with a background of flames against their already burning souls – an inner motivation of his had compelled him to abandon Scarlett on her own, with the sheer belief that she would keep holding on. But now? There really was no excuse.

She chose to replay the scene in her mind, to see what went wrong. They were sitting there, in the middle of the dimly lit room, moving towards each other, leaning in, wanting to press their lips together again. She couldn`t have contained her sweet smile even if her life would have depended on it – finally kissing him without Ashley`s pale spectrum between them. Suddenly, out of the blue, like a weird and disappointing vision, there was a knock on the door. Just as unexpectedly, Rhett`s eyes clouded and his features held a semblance of guilt and uncertainty, obvious even to her, who wasn`t by far the best observer in the world.

He moved swiftly to open the door, with hurried steps, without even trying to meet her eyes. Her temper was already starting to get the better of her, as she was prepared to berate Mammy for disturbing that exquisite and rare rendez-vous.

There was indeed a servant at the door, but it wasn`t Mammy. It was one of the those new maids, whose working contribution to the house was practically insignificant, although she rarely bothered Scarlett. That was the main reason why she had decided to keep her. She really got on the Southern Belle`s nerves, with her technically correct American accent and defying looks – as if she knew about the recent coldness in her and Rhett`s marriage and rejoiced in it.

"Mister Rhett … there is a carriage waiting for you. Outside the house. I was made to understand you are expected by the person in the carriage…. I believe it was a lady, but I cannot say for sure" she said with a knowing smile and a slight head shake.

Scarlett was outraged – both at the maid`s less than subtle hints and at her husband`s apparent hesitancy. Rhett seemed as angered as she was, but he didn`t say anything. She expected him to politely come up with a reasonable excuse to inform the "lady" in the carriage he could_ never_ be disturbed.

Instead, he stood there, unmoving for a couple of seconds, as if trying to figure out a way to end the pathetic situation. At last, he gave a long, weary sigh, stole one last glance at Scarlett`s overly stern face with waiting, confused eyes and stormed out of the room, probably down the imposing staircase and out the door, to meet the visitor.

Now, alone in the suddenly eerie room, she fiddled dejectedly with her hands, like in the beginning of the eventful and cruel day. What could she do? Surely, not wait for him to return in the very room after his encounter with the woman who had decided to pay him a visit. After all, who could tell when he would return home, probably pretending to have forgotten about what had passed between them – the smiles, the dance, the kisses. Gone with the wind, with the waves, with the futility of hope.

Then, she knew for sure who the woman was – Belle Watling – from the insolent maid`s smile, from Rhett`s mixed reaction, from her own intuition when it came to men, it now dawned on her that the wanton woman had been the carriage passenger who couldn`t wait to meet her husband. Just like she had known all those years ago when she had seen the handkerchief with the gold money. It was the same old acquaintance – was she the Melanie to Ashley`s love? It couldn`t be – Rhett would have married her then, because he didn`t care about society`s standards – yet he had chosen her. Everything was too torn, too complicated, too unstable, overall too different from what she had expected when she was trying to pick a suitable suitor at Tara, before the War.

She decided to do something totally uncharacteristic for her – to wait. She was in no means to rush, she couldn`t yet run after him and slap him in the face, although he deserved it. She had to wait for him in their home, in her lonely, lavishly decorated room, face devoid of heavy make-up or artifices which hadn`t proved to be enough and eyes unclouded but more confused than ever.

That was, if only he would come back.

**I`m sorry, I had to do something to bring about tension in their relationship. I feel Belle was a problem and needed to be discussed almost as much as Ashley in the last part of their marriage. I know Rhett`s behavior seems inexplicable but it will become clearer, I promise.**

**Until next time, Ann **


	5. Apart

Rhett silently cursed himself for being so foolish to rush, to let his anger get the better of him, to give in to the sadistic and brutal side of him. After his bitter 'conversation' with his shrew of a wife, he had felt the stinging pain of wounded pride and rejected affection. And what better remedy was there to the regret and resentful feeling of déjà-vu that had taken over him than revenge? He wanted to hurt her, the only way he thought he could – by doing something so condemnable and reproachable there would be no doubt in town as to their decaying marriage, for news travelled with the swiftness of wind in Atlanta…

Yes, he had been in need of a means to draw some blood out of Scarlett`s hurt, to make her bleed the way he had often bled because of her infatuation with Ashley Wilkes, her indifferent attitude, her oblivious behavior towards his obvious and ubiquitous feeling. Because his love was written in everything he was towards her – in every caring gesture, in every hesitant look he dared take into her emerald eyes, hoping to read confessions and truth in them, in every gift he showered her with, a piece of his heart given once again only to her, Scarlett O`Hara. Was she completely and irremediably blind? Or, simply, had she never cared the least bit?

This is the conclusion he had reached before she unexpectedly showed up in front of his door, inexplicably and delightfully changed… he had almost given up on her, starting to believe her a lost cause even he couldn`t keep on fighting for. And then, hearing her beautiful mouth uttering sentence after sentence by which she was taking back all she had said so little time before, he could have cried a desert of tears. He had never cried, not in his entire life, not even when his father refused to acknowledge him anymore as his son, because it had been on behalf of his own rebellious concepts regarding the false pretenses and hypocrisy of society. But then, with Scarlett in front of him, fiddling unconsciously with her marble-white hands, voicing her own incipient doubts about Ashley, he could have cried – tears of unbelief, of maddening joy, of relief and of confusion.

And now, as he was walking out the door of his monstrously large and imposing house, heading towards the mysterious and conspicuous carriage, a sudden thought struck his clouded mind – clouded by love and confusion, almost as if by the familiar vapors of alcohol. What if this out-of-the-blue change of heart and lack of stubbornness were only another mise-en-scène, a reiteration of the show she had but on when he had been in jail. He had been close to falling to her feet then and there, thanking God on his knees for her finally caring enough to … deceive him, as it had turned out in the end. And now, could this be another trick of his selfish little cat? But what for? His shrewd sense of business was starting to kick in – maybe she had realized she was going to miss all his expensive presents and going to parties, for she loved to dance and she was too proud to make an appearance at an official occasion without him at her side. She had a sharp practical sense, so it seemed like a plausible enough explanation.

'_No, wait, this is nonsensical' _he thought. _'She was there, with me, I looked into her cleared eyes, I kissed her lips countless times, I felt her feeling all the things I needed to say to her, all the words I had longed to say to her between mingled breaths and parted lips. It was real. Scarlett O`Hara was caught off guard, because she wanted to be so. And she was like that with __**me**__. Not with Ashley. But with me.'_

Rhett took a deep breath. '_How can I expect her to trust me when all I give her is my behavior and words, as a statement of my love for her? What else could she have given me, instead of her subtle and confused apology and enthusiastic response? Nothing. Had I loved her less, I would have gone further with the intention to hurt her. But when she is the focus of my life, how could I lose her only to satisfy my pride? I trust her with this.'_

So he opened the door to the carriage and hurriedly got in, trying as hard as he could to make sure no respectable citizen had seen him. Of course it was in vain.

As fate loved to throw at them irony after irony, India Wilkes was just happening to pass that way when she was faced with the inexplicable sight of Rhett Butler disappearing into Belle Watling`s carriage. Although to her it was explicable and it could mean only one thing. One that she hastened to discuss with Mrs. Merriwether as soon as she could.

Meanwhile, uncomfortable silence fell between Rhett and his friend. For she was a friend to him, a confidante who knew about his enduring affection for Scarlett, a woman who tried her best to help him with his relationship although she profoundly disliked Scarlett. She had a good heart and was able to look reality in the face and call any situation by its true name, which had prevented her from becoming entirely tainted. She was still capable of deep feelings, maybe even love, for Rhett Butler, her benefactor, although he would never want to be called so. Her sheer sense of reality had kept her from losing her head with dreams of romance concerning him – she knew he belonged to that heartless and beautiful woman whom he had married, although he had sworn he would never become tied with such a burden. And what a burden it was! Proof was the small, neat note she had received that afternoon when she was freshening up her appearance.

_It`s over. She turned her back on me. She doesn`t want anything more to do with me, only with my money. Help me with something: come to my house with your carriage and call on me. _

The intriguing letter had been brought inside her chamber by a precocious girl who only bothered to knock once before opening her door and invading her privacy. She had bowed, thus acknowledging she was a servant, but she seemed proud and ambitious. Not at all someone she would have kept inside her house.

'From Mrs. Butler. He says it`s an urgent matter' This was all she said, then disappeared quickly, without bothering to close the door behind her.

As the carriage stopped in front of Belle`s brothel, she motioned for him to follow her inside, as he used to do the days before his marriage. For he had never visited her ever since the announcement of his engagement to Scarlett.

'No.' His deep voice was low, but steady and unwavering. She looked at him, surprised. Had it been another one, she would have believed he wanted something from her in the carriage. But Rhett was different – he indeed had his own sort of honor and principles.

'Belle, I want you to understand what I have to say to you and not hate me for it.'

'Go on' _Darlin'. Your face says it all._

'You know how much I love Scarlett, how much I`ve suffered and how much I want her to feel the same about me. Now, it looks like I have a damn good chance to see my wish come true.'

'Can`t you remember how you sent me that sneaky note of yours, making a lot of fuss? You said it was over. You said you ain`t got any chance with her, you planned to use me… I ain`t findin a word to describe it. That`s it. A trophy. So you could hurt her too. What happened to that, _Rhett?_'

'It changed. In a blinking fraction of a second. That`s how I know it is true. It wasn`t something planned, elaborate, a masquerade. No, there were only moments. The happiest of my life, until now.'

'What about Mr. Wilkes?'

'She doesn`t have that clouded, pale spectrum in her eyes when she`s talking about him. She is sincere, Belle, I know it. I can see through her this time – there is as much pride and vanity and selfishness in her as it is in me. We are so alike – we can do so much, say so much, win so much, yet we can`t say the word when it comes to us.'

'You`re meanin to tell me it is there, ain`t it so?' It hurt her to say so.

'Yes, it`s hanging in the air, waiting to be uttered, only to torment us some more. But there`s life and joy and dreams in this torment. I want more of it. And I want it with her.'

She felt torn. Literally. It was like in her childhood fantasies with charming princes and pure princesses. To find a man so in love as to talk like that. However, he wasn`t talking about her, he wasn`t declaring such a fiery passion for her, but for that very particular woman, who seemed to be capable of creating a spider net in which she had caught him. But now he was making her seem a fly caught up almost as much as he was. She could only hope he was right. For his sake.

'I know how it is to love, darlin. It`s maddenin, saddennin and utterly foolish. So don`t worry your head, I`ll be fine.' She struggled for a smile.

'Something more. My lawyer will contact you to sign the papers. This building belongs entirely to you from now on. You`re even more independent than before, if that was possible.'

'You don`t have to…'

'But it`s my wish. Here`s your reward for listening to my own incessant dramas about Scarlett, ever since I met her. You`ve been my closest, most devoted friend. _Belle, I respect you.'_

It was too much to bear. She felt like kissing him, one last time, on the mouth. But she couldn`t. Not when he belonged to another.

Instead, he put his fingers to his lips then pressed them over her mouth, which now turned into a tear-stained smile.

Then, it was over.

**This is it. Another chapter! Sorry for my long absence. I have so much to do, with the exam for College drawing neared. Of course, writing is still my passion.**

**Hope you are pleased with this chapter. I`m sad for Belle, but this is the way it should be. I`m going to make Scarlett spend more time with Bonnie in the following chapters.**

**I hope I`ll update soon. **

**Until next time, **

**Ann**


	6. pause

Sorry for the shortness of this chapter. I just wanted to let you know that I`m not just going to abandon this story, or let it unfinished. I`m passing through a difficult period as I have to prepare for my College exam and it`s extremely demanding, so I don`t have too much time to write.

Even so, I`d appreciate it so much if you`d bear with me and wait a little bit more for the next chapters!

Extremely grateful,

Ann


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